Deception

There are some people that make a huge impact in your life. Some you will never forget because of the great things they’ve done for you. Unfortunately there are some people you’ll never forget but because of how badly they hurt you. You get the option to either hate them or forget them. But it is in the instant that you are so badly hurt and full of deception that you realize all you want to do is get them out of your life once and for all.

Society invented “the best friend” model to create an idea that a friend can be classified as a lab rat according to its performances. I actually am certain that a best friend comes with many qualities and imperfections too. What is not able to enter my mind, is the fact that how one person calls somebody his or her best friend and then hurts that person so bad she or he is afraid to trust anyone else? How can someone be so hypocrite to actually say he loves someone almost as a sibling and then when that person is vulnerable, he hurts his “best friend” in a terrible way?

Who I can call a best friend lives a thousand miles away. She is an amazing person and we share a lot of things in common. She is always there for me but distance is sometimes unbearable. I miss her a lot and I know she misses me too. What helps me a lot though is receiving her emails and talking to her even if it is for a short couple of hours, but I know she loves me as much as I love her. That’s a real friendship but yet again, distance makes us miss each other too much and that sometimes affect us.

The story here is that there is a person that calls me her best friend. She always tells everyone, but me, that I’m her best friend and that we are the greatest friends ever. I’ve done plenty of things for her. Everyone constantly ask why I do that and how can I, if she never does the same for me. It’s like that song from Bruno Mars, “Grenade”. “I would catch a grenade for you…you know I’d do anything for you, but you won’t do the same”.

It is very hard for me to open up and trust anyone. It is hard for me to open my heart and make up a big friendship. And it is even harder for me to tell someone I love him/her. Well with her everything changed. After a year or so, I learned to trust her and I opened up. She told me she loved me as a friend and after a couple of months I realized I really needed that kind of friend in my life and ended up saying the same. I told her almost everything and I liked to talk to her. We began talking like “best friends” do.

Every day after school I knew I would talk to her by phone, text or by an inbox. I genuinely cared for her and I really liked spending time with her. We were really good friends. At least, that was what I imagined for a while. After some years of being friends with her, everything changed. I knew she was getting into a lot of stuff and that I had to be with her no matter what. And that was what I did. I never judge her; I never prohibited things to her or forced her to do things she disliked.

 I really considered myself a great friend towards her and I knew I gave my all in that friendship. I realized she was not doing anything of this. She never helped me. She never showed gratuity. It was like if she loved everyone else but me. Every time we got into a fight she would just pretend everything was okay and didn’t show any interest in fixing things up. She just would let me be mad and see me cry without even caring. I helped her so much. So much and I know that I don’t regret helping her but it makes me furious how I was such a fool. She didn’t do anything wrong, she just didn’t do anything. I don’t know if we are friends or not anymore. I only know that I’m terribly hurt right now because of the realization that who called me her “best friend” never shared the same feeling or interest as I did.

Impress but calm me.

First impressions can be tough but when you meet the right person, you just know it. It can be a friend, a boyfriend or just someone you met. A first impression can determine whether you get a job or not and for superficial people, whether you’ll like someone or not. The impressive thing about first impressions is that it can make the hugest impact in your life, so big that you remember that time like if it was yesterday. If you base a relationship on a first impression you are likely to begin a superficial relationship were you only base your feelings on a look. But there are sometimes when a first impression is so unique and unexpected, that your relationship surges from the desire to know that person because of the interesting aspect he or she has.

I never really pay much attention to how people look. Maybe when I am walking down the street, or passing by someone who makes me raise my view or distract from my thoughts; I would say things such as: ‘he’s very handsome’ or ‘hey! She looks very pretty!” But just a look is not enough for a first impression. According to the dictionary, a first impression is a first consideration or judgment. For me it takes a first look, followed by a first word exchange and then a lapse of time to consider my thoughts about that person.

                I do not intend to give a lecture about first impressions, but this was necessary so you would understand how first impressions are from my point of view. I’ve experienced a handful of memorable first impressions, some funny, some awkward and some annoying ones. But just one that comforted me. It happened on the fall of 2009.

                It happened on a Sunday. I went on an exchange program that year and that day I was meeting my host family from Nashville, Tennessee. My host family was out on a trip in Hawaii when I arrived, so I spent Saturday and part of Sunday with the exchange program’s leader and a friend. We arrived late on Saturday to Nashville. My friend and I waited for everyone to leave with their host families and saw how everyone hugged and talked with their host families. The exchange program’s leader was happily introducing everyone and we just watched, taking care of our backpacks.

                After what seemed an eternity, everyone left and we were ready to leave to the hotel. We spent the night talking and eating. The next day, we decided to go to the mall and do a little shopping. We had a lot of fun and the hours passed by as rapid as a fly. By four in the afternoon we returned to the hotel. My friend’s host family arrived earlier. The realization that my host family was going to arrive very soon, made me as nervous as a little Chihuahua.

                I saw how my friend struggled to talk in a different language and how the nerves consumed him. I knew that would happen to me and that I would not be able to talk to my host family without making a joke out of myself. A lot of thoughts went through my mind, those thoughts that you have just before talking in public or performing in a show.  Why if they didn’t like me? What if they didn’t understand me?

                Suddenly, a tiny, blond haired, cute little boy pushed the big glass door at the hotel’s entrance. He was wearing a white sweatshirt, tiny jeans and a pair of small shoes. I did not know who he was. I just felt very happy and strangely calmed. I saw the little kid and smiled. He just stared at me as seriously as possible. Then, I saw a tall, blond woman with a big gorgeous smile. At first I thought they were just tourists, but then I realized they were my host family; at least a part of it.

                The nerves were gone. The bad thoughts were gone. And I knew those were the people I was meant to stay with because they calm me and made me happy. When I talked with the little kid’s mother, the conversation was natural and fluent. She was not only smart and beautiful, but kind and original. The first impression from my host mother was that I was going to have an amazing time with her and that I really had found a new friend.

My Old Playground

Elementary and the first half of Middle school were probably the years when I played, ran and hurt my knees the most. I have vague memories of the classes. Now and then I remember sitting in the small rounded tables; we used to have in Elementary school; pulling out a brilliant colored, Disney’s tiny tablecloth and showing the four others sitting in the circular table, how pretty mine was. Moving some years forward, I remember the struggle with choosing the most colorful backpack and the lunchbox with the most famous cartoon of that time. It is funny how having the prettiest things were just our concerns at the beginning of the scholar year.

                What I remember the most, though, is the recess time. I used to wait, for what seemed forever, for the bell to ring. We used to wear skirts for school and the gymnastic uniform; which included tennis shoes and pants; was only allowed two days a week. So the three remaining days, we had to use skirts, formal shoes, white long socks, and the polo T-shirt we always wore. I used to love running around the playground with the boys. Every now and then I would play “family” with the girls but it was rare.

                The playground was a wide open space. It had partly a grass ground and partly a hard granite floor. We had a food store just for us; bathrooms; a metal climb-bar game; two wooden “jungles” with sleds, a handrail, and a net made of rope to play in. It also had three big concrete sleds; two turtle climb-bar games; and seven concrete giant rings. Later on, they added a metal jungle and a set of nine swings. But I used to play the most in the wooden jungles.

                I played this game called “Thieves and Police Officers” almost every day. It consisted in making two groups, the thieves and the police officers. The thieves would run wildly and the police would try to catch them. If you were caught, you were sent to prison and your teammates would have to rescue you. Well, I was always a thief. I ran like crazy, but it was difficult with formal shoes; so I ended up in the floor. My skirt ended just above the knees so I always had them scrapped, but didn’t mind and kept on running.

                In other recess we would play “Shark” at the sleds. One person was the shark and six small children would sit at the top of the sled. The shark’s mission was to pull one of the kids until the end of the sled and run as fast as possible to the top, so the other person would now be the shark. It was hilarious. When the sleds got too slippery and I had formal shoes, guess what? I fell down on my knees.

                The tiny wooden house was a totally different story. The girls would fight with each other in order to get it all for their group of friends only. One of the girls would be the mother, someone else the father, two or three the daughters and the one no one liked, would be the dog. That was cruel. Luckily, I was never the dog. But I guess I didn’t like the cruelness of it and preferred the other savage, but fun games.

                When it was too cold to run, I would sit inside one of the giant concrete rings; always the red one; with my best friend and play-pretend we were inside a spaceship. We were captains of the most rapid, indestructible spaceship. The holes in the concrete were our switchers and engine buttons. We used to talk too, but I do not remember much about it. I remember how comfortable I was with him there. We were safe inside.

                I also used to play “Spider” with my big brother and his friends. We played inside the rope net. Outside, someone was the spider and inside the “spider web” we were the bugs. We would climb to the top and if the spider was about to catch us, we would throw ourselves savagely down to the ground. Elbows, knees, foreheads and arms ended up scrapped because of the rope. We had plenty of fun and ignored the injuries.  

                One year, I spent all my recess collecting ladybugs in a can. Five friends and I would collect bugs and keep them in our “secret base”; which was a drain hole big enough for two kids to enter. Once we found a big bug. Although it may seem disgusting, we even named the poor bug, “Pepe”. I do not remember how long we had Pepe. Now I think we only had him for two days.

                They say the most shocking days are the day you meet someone for the first time and the day you say goodbye.  In this case, it literally was this way. At least in my mind it did. We buried Pepe inside a pencil sharpener on a small garden near our class. I remember I cried in the bathroom.

                Recently, I went to that area, to the playground. It was as if all my memories went straight through my eyes. I pictured myself moving ants form their ant’s nests to others built by me; collecting ladybugs; running and shouting. It seems like it was so long ago. Now we are all grown up, and no longer play in the mud or chase ourselves. I felt very happy to see that the old place, my old playground, was still as fun and pretty as I remembered.

Now, I can reach the counter on the food store; climbing the bars is as easy as climbing a stair; the sleds no longer have room for five people and the little house is gone. My knees are no longer scrapped and now I leave the insects alone. My childhood memories include dirt and some blood stains in my white long socks; but also, they include laughter and good memories, back there, in my old playground.

The Sky that Smiles at Me

When people think about the weather, they picture rain, snow, lightning storms, a radiant warm sun, or the falling leaves. But when I think about weather, I picture the beautiful and immense sky. Have you ever lied down just to observe the sky? Well, I had. I’m not going to lie and say that I do it every day. Neither have I done it often. But when I’ve done it, it feels really good.

Take today for example, the weather was absolutely unpredictable. And the sky was more beautiful than it had been in the entire week. I woke up and saw the clouds scattered through a very bright blue sky. The clouds were not thick and they looked like very thin, white, individual feathers lost in a uniform light blue carpet.  If you are familiar with the types of clouds, I am talking about altocumulus clouds. Here, in a high valley in Guatemala; you can see across the sky, plenty of cloud types. This morning, there were low, middle and even high clouds in a beautiful blue sky.

The whole morning was a gift of a fantastic view. I could not keep my eyes off it. The weather was nicely warm, with soft breezes of very refreshing cold air. It reminded me of last weekend. I was in my church’s retreat. There was a fifteen minute break and I was feeling tired because I had to wake up early and did not sleep well the night before. I lied in the green grass with a friend just to contemplate the sky.

That day, the sky was clear on the very top. It seemed like the clouds were creating a circle around us, leaving the center cleared, just for us. When it comes to clouds, I love the ones reflected by the sun. It gives them such a soft appearance. It is almost like if you could hug them. I love when the clouds are not all together and you can see in the middle of this big blue sky; just a single one, reflected by the sun like a little Chinese lamp.

Well, that day was full of those clouds. It was like the sky was smiling at me. And I was smiling back. It felt nice to remember that day with today’s weather. But as I said before, the weather today was absolutely unpredictable. By twelve, the sky was grey. Not a single piece of the bright blue sky I saw in the morning. That reminded me of one occasion while I was in Orlando. The weather makes you remember things.

The day started warm, the kind of warmth that you can only feel in Orlando in October. It was humid, hot and windy at the same time. I was small at that time, probably six or seven years old. My parents dressed my brother and me in fresh clothes. We decided not to take the jackets with us because we felt the warmth of the day. We were in the middle of MGM studios and suddenly, the sky turned grey.

It was very dark and it was scary too. There was so much cold and so suddenly that my parents ran to the closest store inside the amusement park and bought us the thickest sweaters you can imagine. Something very similar happened today. The difference was that there was not a sudden drop of temperature. The sky just went from cheerful blue to quiet gray.

By four in the afternoon, rain drops started to fall. It was a very soft rain at first but then it started to pour. In the road back to my house, I saw the flooded streets and wondered how the sky shifted from such a beautiful color to that gray, which still was pretty, but was not as lovely as in the morning. I realize now that many people base their mood on the weather. If it’s raining, they feel sad, if it’s sunny, they feel happy.  Or maybe, if it is cold, they feel grumpy and when it is warm they feel cheerful. But what if the sky is clear and it is cold? The sky is always beautiful and always smiling at you.

The sky holds the image of the sun. The weather is based on the sun too. What is amazing from the sky is how it turns dark and out of nowhere there's the moon and the stars. Have you ever imagined how would it feel like if there was no daylight? How is it even possible that the sky is blue when outside this planet there is only the Universe? The sky is always beautiful. When it is sunset or sunrise, with orange, yellow and even pink tones. The sky full of breath taking colors, bright red, intense purple or light blue. Next time you feel the weather, hot or cold, look up to the sky; it might be the most beautiful thing you can see, and you can see it every day.